Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
