I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
