Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
