when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
