8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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