We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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