just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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