the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
