its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
