There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
