I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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