Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
