I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
