im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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