Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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