tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Panties = found
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
