We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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