i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I checked into jail on foursquare
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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