You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
