Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
