I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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