I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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