Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
