well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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