sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
