I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
