We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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