the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Randomize
