Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
