i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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