Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
