70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
