hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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