bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
