I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
