my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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