I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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