I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Text me some of your sweat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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