you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
