like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
