my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
