Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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