I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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