I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
