doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
