Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think my mom watched the whole time
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
