He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
