The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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