Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight