My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????