____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"