It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you