you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?