I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
