god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
