Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
