sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
