I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
