Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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