Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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