Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
