I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
