Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
