my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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