I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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