fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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