so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
