You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
