when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
