Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
