My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this hospital has no fireball
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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