The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
